There is a valid reason for this. Part of what makes it difficult

There is a valid reason for this. Part of what makes it difficult to recognize is that protecting or defending ourselves against pain is instinctual. Reacting defensively doesn't help us get what we want in relationship. One was reading "How to Make a Mess and Blame itNIKE FREE TILBUD, on Your Sister" and the other child was reading "Avoiding Blame"! I love this picture as it clearly illustrates how we start learning to protect or defend ourselves at a very early age. Following the above example if I then get defensive and yell at him or shut down and refuse to talk to him, I contribute to the conflict."Instead I can request a time to Nike TN Requin Plating talk to him without distractions.I can put myself in my partner's shoes and realize that there may be deeper issue here and they may have difficulty talking about certain touchy subjects.I can invite them to discuss this letting them know that I really want to understand.The bottom line is that you can't change your life by blaming others. After all safety is the key to survival. You can only change your life by taking responsibility for yourself, your behavior, your reactions and make healthier and empowered choices.Cindy Ricardo, LMHC is an Imago Relationship Therapist with a private practice in Coral Springs, Florida. (When my partner doesn't listen to me it means that he doesn't care about me!Take responsibility for how you react or feel when this happens. On the other hand we may have learned to take the blame or to take responsibility for anything and everything that went wrong. For more information please call her at 954.793.6442. It is a coping skill that is learned in order to survive in our environment.If we grew up in homes where making mistakes was not tolerated and the consequences doing so were painful then blaming others may have become a way of life. In fact, the stronger the pain, the harder we try to eliminate or minimize it.Physical pain is sometimes easier to deal with. After all, it's hard to give up the feeling of being right. Putting this into practice can be extremely difficult and challenging. Our immediate reaction to pain is to try to make it go away. But in the end what is more important? To be right or to be in a relationship? You can have one but not both!The challenge is to look at your self and ask, "How are my thoughts, behaviors, choices or feelings contributing to what is going on in my relationship?" or ask yourself, "What am I doing to create distance and hurt?"To Get Something Different, You Have to Do Something DifferentTry the following exercise to help you switch from blaming to taking responsibility:Make a list of the things that frustrate you about your spouse . Things like "It's all your fault!"Nike Air Max 2010 Homme or "You did that on purpose!" However, it is harder to know when we are the ones doing the blaming. For example, "I hate it when I have something important to share and my partner doesn't listen to me."Become aware of the story you tell yourself about what this means. or visit http://www.acaringcounselor.net to learn more about her services. Either one of these behaviors; is an extreme and leads to building up defenses to cover our vulnerability. This only leads to increased pain and frustration.You know you are blaming when you engage in any of the following behaviors:If you would only do _____ I wouldn't have done that! You always make me feel _____________ It's all of your fault! You never listen to me!Blaming keeps you stuck in some of the following ways:When you blame someone else it keeps you in the role of victim/martyr.Blaming leads to feelings of anger and resentment which then contribute to the distance and pain in your relationship.It blocks you from getting what you want and being able to take an active role in your own life!It's much easier to blame someone else then it is to take responsibility for your own reactions, choices, behaviors, thoughts, or feelings. So where does it all begin?WE LEARN DEFENSIVE/PROTECTIVE BEHAVIORS FROM AN EARLY AGEI once saw a picture of two little sisters, sitting on a toy chest reading a book series on the topic of Blaming. It's usually in the words we hear. You have a headache, you take medicine and in 15 minutes or less the pain is gone! Emotional distress or pain is a very different story.When we are in emotional pain we usually look around for the culprit and if we identify our partner as the one who caused it we immediately go into blaming mode. It's hard to connect with a loved one when we are protecting ourselves or engaging in defensive behaviors.So what is the answer? How can we change this behavior?The Antidote to BlameThe key is to learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings and experiences; learn from them and make a conscious effort to make healthier and healing choice. She also counsels couples and individuals on learning how to create a balances, joyful and empowered life. She specializes in running workshops for Couples about how to create loving and supportive relationships. Want to save your relationship? Want to put an end to the blame game? Well there is a way out of the power struggle and it begins with you!Most of us know when we are being blamed. To get additional tips, information and support for and about relationships visit her blog at: http://acaringcounselor.ning.com/profiles/blog/list.

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